It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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