it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks