Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.