and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!