How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....