dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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