He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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