i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
