Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
