Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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