Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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