How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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