If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
