He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
