You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
