Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
