i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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