There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
