38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
