I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
