can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
