its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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