i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
