Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
