do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
