Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
