ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
