idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
