I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
