How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My vagina just recognized that song.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
