I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
