He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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