He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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