he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
