She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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