haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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