she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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