So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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