The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
