Your dad touched me again.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
