Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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