At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
