Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
