I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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