apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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