I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
