Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My bed smells like the plague
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
