I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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