We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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