She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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