worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
