who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
