He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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