Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
