There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
