apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
