I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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