Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
