the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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