Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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