So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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