She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
