We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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