Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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