remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
