I think im going to throw up on grandma
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
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I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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