i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
