u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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