I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
