Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
not ubering you a puppy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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