Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
