She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
